We each have a sexual self.  Nothing new there.  

But have you ever been questioned, told to hold back or do less? Do you get the “are you sure?” look from others? Maybe you’ve been told you’re too much. Or you’ve been made to feel ashamed of your body, ideas, desires, expressions, flirtatiousness or attire.  

Have you ever internalised all these questions and asked them to yourself?  

Well – don’t. Just stop right there.  

Why restrict, limit, repress or hide yourself. Why curb yourself for others. Why hold back? (Of course, if it’s illegal, then you should probably hold back). 

We each have a sexual self, even if it’s asexual or aromantic, it is still a normal, human, healthy aspect of our aliveness.  

We have lived in oppressive, conservative, largely heteronormative, anglo-dominant cultures, families and communities for too long. The messaging around sexuality and sexual expression has been controlled and managed by the dominant forces in power: predominantly, old, white, cis-het men.  

Yet, we have also worked hard to liberate many aspects of ourselves and our lives, and the sexual self is no different. We need to learn to explore, be curious and inquisitive towards ourselves, without shame or judgement – to unleash our sexual selves. 

The Cambridge dictionary gifts us with this juicy description: that to unleash is “to suddenly release a violent force that cannot be controlled… to let happen or begin something powerful that, once begun cannot be controlled.” Notice a theme? No wonder we may feel hesitant to deep dive into the repressed, hidden or subconscious parts.  

Now, this unleashing does not necessarily have to be ‘violent’, extreme or even sudden for that matter. The main point here is to invite permission and exploration and ownership. These things lead to sexual empowerment and claiming the sexual self as a real and equal part of our full identity, whatever our pronouns, our gender expression or our sexuality.  

Questions for reflection: 

  • What are the “leashes” that hold your unconscious parts of yourself back?  
  • What are the benefits to you if you were to allow your repressed/hidden forces to surface? 
  • What are the challenges for you if you were to allow your repressed/hidden forces to surface?  
  • What supports or safety strategies might you need while you unleash your sexual self? 

As this winter and Dark Mofo season is upon us, it might be time to allow yourself self-exploration. In the warmth and safety of your own home (should you be privileged enough to have shelter), get curious about what has been repressed or hidden and why. You may like to explore this through critical reflection, art therapy activities, tantra movement and sensory experiences. You may like to tip toe into your inner sexual self and invite it to peek its head out and come play with you. Whether you do this privately, with trusted others or professionals, or simply theoretically in the safety of the mindspace for now, know that you have a right to express, claim and unleash your sexual self.  

Reach out if you need to: www.wildcalmtherapies.com.au  

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